Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
