How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
