we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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