If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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