i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
