I am spending my child support on dildos
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I will be naked everywhere
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
