There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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