What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
