I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sorry my hands just texted you
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
