pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
