I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
