i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
COCAINE IS GR8
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
