I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
