you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
