I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
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I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
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Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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