The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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