Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dick very happy bro
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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