But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
