it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
