speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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