There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My vagina just clenched in fear
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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