just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
