OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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