I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
