So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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