I hate your face
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
