Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
