I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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