she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's official drugs can't kill me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
