You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
