So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
