At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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