I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
