so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
