I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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