I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
