She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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