She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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