i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
