You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
