I think my vagina is haunted
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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