I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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