I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
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What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
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I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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