JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
