guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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