The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
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I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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