Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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