Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize