I'm so fucking centered right now
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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