K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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