I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
