R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
