So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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