just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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