dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
