Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
