i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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