I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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