I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
