i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She told me I should be a condom model.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
